i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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