Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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