Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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