I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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