Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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