I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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