Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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