THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
