Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
