I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
