Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I understand Curling. That high.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
