Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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