you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
