I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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