party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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