how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
