I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
