You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
