I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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