Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
