She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
