i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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