From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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