I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
