You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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