Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
