What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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