and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
