Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
