I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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