apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
