I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
