Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
