you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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