I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
