Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
