Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
