I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
