I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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