hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
