No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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