i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
