In the future we'll all be gay
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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