The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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