loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
They are going to name an STD after you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
