So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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