Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
