So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
