he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
