He kissed a someone with a penis
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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