Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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