Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
