You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
