in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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