Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
