You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
