Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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