I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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