i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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