Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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