CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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