he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize