I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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