Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
